Read one of Neals newer posts on his blog (see the link to the right) about a book he has read and he glances across something about "earning it" - if you havn't earned it you have nothing. It just summed up the confused mish-mash of thoughts and feelings and motivations and wants that have been bouncing around my skull since christmas. Actually, they've always been there but things have happened and pieces of my life fallen into place in such a way that they have acted to channel or herd all these cognotions, condensing them into both a fuel and a destination. I want to improve! at lots of things! Well it's not going to just bloody happen all of a sudden by magic is it?! Course not! it's gonna have to be earned! and it's gonna hurt and it's gonna cost - and for the imporvements I want, it's gonna cost BIG!
At the moment I'm paying for a level of fittness by hauling my ass outa bed 6 days a week to make sure i clock up at least 55 miles - the cost is early nights, Earlier mornings, tirdness and committing to a level of dicipline i have never held before. After a while these things become less of a cost and more of a reward in themselves as the benifits begin to become apparent.
The next cost is more of my "ME" time that i have to give up for climbing and conditioning training. I have always been weak -i like to just sit and chill after a busy day or week - i could faff online or read a book or anything for huge ammounts of valuable time that i'll never get back. But if i want to imporve i have to use my time to the best i can - train when it's right - train regularly - use the rest rime for University work and things that need doing. In the end it seems that all the costs are paid out of my weaknesses - my fondness of free time, my lazyness, my hunger. Everything happens as a result of a decision - there is always at least two choices on which way to proceed - having the fuel (made of ambitions and goals and commitment) blocking the easy options (slacking) with a constant, consious and sub-consious pressure makes these decisions easier. If you want it, decide you're going to get it and make it happen.
It's Friday and I'm going to the crag for another sould bashing session of trying routes that i find difficult - the fact that i'm still going back is a reward in itself - i've not given up.
I might sound like a physco with all this less life, more training waffle but i'm fairly sure i'm maintaining the schedule in a safe and sensible manner - i do get enough rest and I've looked into the specifics of the training and nutrition in depth. I'm not an expert and i dont even have any results to prove that i know what i'm doing is right but i feel it is so lets hope thats enough.