Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Un-directed Mojo!

Eh up!

Been a hell of a week or so this end! After weeks of psyching meself up for a big long weekend up at fairhead I get a last minute call from a school I had applied for asking me to attend an interview the Monday I was due to be hanging off some columnar dolerite – plus my teaching, professional standards and development files were due in in Chester so I had to call Kev and cancel the trip last minute! After calling him I was gutted! I dont think I had ever mentally prepared for a trip (one route in particular) like this before – I had lived through the crux and fall from the crux dozens of times in my sleep – I was familiar with the exposure, above irreversible moves, committed, pumped, scared – Go for it! Relief! I had even bought hardware for this route! Two skyhooks (Pictured right), a talon, a knife blade and two rip-stop ‘screamer’ draws… and the crème de la crème – a new pair of 5.10’s. Anyway – frustrated, psyched and flapping. I didn’t know how to channel all this energy out of myself – I just kinda hit meltdown – imagine standing ontop of a cliff, staring down at the water below – preparing to jump, you’ve even began to fall a few times, building up the sensation through your spine in preparation for the point of no return and then just as you go for it for real someone removes the cliff and you’re standing in an empty carpark – nothing, not even a step to jump off or a car to vandalise to release your buzz upon – well times that by about a million!

Anyway – I got over it … turns out the weather crapped out big style anyway so I didn’t miss much and I got a load done and handed my files in on time and in good order. The interview on the other hand was a different story, unlike the other interviews I was ready for this one but the minute I was in the school I began to question if I wanted to work here – I didn’t. I realised that by this stage I was desperate for a job purely for the security it offered and not for what I wanted out of it. A day wasted but without attending the interview I would never have known – the search continues.

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